Choices and Forgiveness
by vulturemonem
Summary: One-shot What if Bella didn't jump off of the cliff? Several years later, Bella is engaged to Jacob Black, and living the perfect, human life Edward always wanted her to have. A little piece of her, however, still aches for a different set of lips. A visit from one of the Cullens changes everything Bella has built up over her life, and could cause devastating consequences.


**Disclaimer! **

**All rights belong to Stephanie Meyer. I'm just having more fun than I should playing with her characters and plot-lines!**

**Warning!I like a happy ending...**

**Lucy xX**

***

It has been three years since they left, since he left. And my life has been in turmoil. It took me several months to begin living again, and that was only because Charlie threatened to send me to Jacksonville. I went out with Jessica, and had a hallucination, of him. In all his beauty. He was angry, angry because I was being reckless.

And that bought me back to life.

I spent time with Jacob. At first, just for his mechanic skills, to fix a couple of bikes. But they weren't such a good idea. So bikes were a no. Then I looked for other ways to satisfy my adrenaline needs; and cliff diving into a churning sea seemed a good idea. If Sam Uley hadn't seen me, and suggested that perhaps I save that for a calmer day, I would almost certainly be dead now. I had never seen my hallucination since.

But I'm not. Unfortunately.

***

I woke up. For once, the sun was streaming through the blinds, and the room was filled with a natural glow from the sun. I rubbed my eyes and got up. I had majored in English at university, and, not wanting to leave Forks, took to teaching at Forks High. It was still holidays at the moment, and I had a free day.

After showering, dressing and scoffing down some cereal, I checked my phone. I had a text from Jake, asking me to come over. It was special.

Did I mention that Jake and I were dating? We'd been dating for three and a half years now, and were working out great. I was sad to say, I was a little old fashioned when it came to being physically intimate, to the despair of Jake. I washed up my bowl, and locked the door to my apartment. I wondered if Jacob was throwing some horrible surprise party with his pack, but I doubted it.

I didn't mention that Jacob was a werewolf either, did I? Well he is.

I climbed into my red Chevy, still going after all these years, and headed down to La Push. The drive didn't take long, and I was soon being greeted and kissed by an excited Jacob Black. He kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, and finally caught my lips in an intense kiss.

His lips intertwined with mine, dancing in sync with mine. His tongue ran along my lower lip, begging for entrance and I happily complied, our tongues meeting in a steamy dance. I felt him moan against my lips, and I tangled my hand in the hair at the base of his neck, pulling him closer. He switched from his warm embrace, and put his hands on my hips, crushing my body to his. I groaned, and Jake trailed kisses down my neck, finding my soft spot and licking and sucking it firmly, allowing me to catch some much needed breaths. I tugged on his earlobe with my teeth, before he picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. His lips crashed back to mine, and I felt my heart-rate increase. Finally, Jake pulled away and set me down on his couch, before disappearing into the kitchen.

"Hello to you too handsome," I called, my voice hoarse.

"Hey beautiful," he chuckled, hugging me gently.

But I sensed something was wrong, his eyes didn't shine properly, and his laugh wasn't quite natural. His voice cracked slightly, almost imperceptibly, except I knew Jacob better than anyone. I looked at him with concern, before gasping, my heart thudding wildly as he got down on one knee and pulled out a black box.

He clicked it open, and revealed a beautiful ring. Silver, with many diamonds in the centre. Simple, and elegant.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I have loved you since the day I gave you my dads truck. I want nothing more than to be with you forever. But no length of time with you will be enough. I love you with all my heart, and will never love anyone more. I promise to love you every day, from now, and forever more. Bella, will you do me the extra-ordinary honour of marrying me?" Jacob proposed, his eyes shining, but wary.

My heart thudded. Could I? I loved Jacob, no doubt about it, but what about...him? What if he came back? Oh who was I kidding? He'd never come back, that much he'd made clear. He'd never stopped by...

"Yes," I whispered, before being swamped by Jacob Black.

"I loved you Bella Black," he said cheekily.

"I love you too Jacob," I said.

***

It had been three months since Jacob proposed to me, and the date was set. It was to be the 19th March. Looking back, I'm quite sure that I would have been happy with my lot, if, driving home from a hot and heavy make-out session, I hadn't seen a shiny black car.

I slammed my breaks on, needing to see what was going on. I cursed as I hit the kerb, but nevertheless, flung open my door and ran, as fast as I could without falling over, to over the field, where I thought I had seen the car. And, reaching my destination, it was.

It was Carlisle Cullen's car, and a light was on in the Cullen house.

I staggered back to my car, the now-unfamiliar surge of loneliness ripping the hole back through my chest. I took a laboured breath, before turning back to the Reservation.

***

Jacob was standing by the shed when I reached his place, and he looked worried when he saw me. I debated whether this was a good idea, but figured he would know sooner or later. I slipped out of my car, and into his arms, explaining what I had seen. His reaction was as I expected. Furious. Letting go of me, and shoving me away, warning me to keep my distance, his whole being shook, before he burst into an enormous wolf. My heartbeat increased in fear, and I remembered ,his, warnings about werewolves. Jacob's running slowed, and he walked back to me slowly. I rubbed inbetween his ears, loving the feel of his soft fur under my fingers.

He changed back into a human, before bidding me curtly goodnight.

I sighed, and left again, no more than ten minutes after I arrived. Again, I saw the black car, and couldn't help but take the familiar route to the Cullen's house. I turned right, and breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't know why I was so relieved, but I was. I parked in their nearly-deserted drive, except for Carisle's car.

I held my breath, and prepared to knock on the door, when I saw it was propped open with a silver, designer bag, containing and obvious pair of death-trap stiletto heels. My breathing became erratic, Carlisle didn't wear heels. Then again, nor did ,he. I realised that I had, however unintentionally, been hoping for him. I pulled off my wedding ring, and slipped it into my pocket. I pushed the door open, before rounding the corner and smacking into...

"Alice!" I gasped in pained surprise.

She instinctively caught me, and I wrapped my ams around her cold, hard stone body. She hugged me back, before pulling me away, and dragging me to the sofa.

"Bella," she began, but I interrupted.

"Oh Alice! I'm so glad you're here and I..." I stopped, when I saw her disgusted expression.

"What in The devil's name is that God-awful wet-dog smell?" she cried.

"Oh that'll be Jacob," I said quietly, taking off my coat.

"Fiancée Jacob?" she asked, horrified.

"How do you know that?" I asked, scared now.

"I saw you except you numb-brain! Werewolves are not good husbands!" she said, sighing.

"What're you doing here?" I asked, keen to get off the subject.

"Long story short, I missed you. We all do. And I'm sick of Edward. He mopes around, never stays home and refuses constantly to come back, I swear if he didn't go Jazz would go mad from his emotions! I'm breaking his careful rules coming here, but jeez, I don't care!" she said, clearly annoyed.

I was taken aback. They missed me?

"Is just... I mean who's here? Is he..." I asked, struggling to say his name.

"No. Just me and Jasper," she said.

"So, I mean, are you staying?" I asked, unable to keep the hope out of my voice.

"No," my heart plummeted, "But I'm inviting you to Denali, where we're staying," she said, smiling at me.

I squeaked in surprise and threw my arms around her, crying into her shoulder for no apparent reason. I felt the couch compress beside me, and looked around, spotting Jasper next to me. He smiled, but said nothing, as waves of calm flooded over my being. I immediately felt better, and pulled away from Alice as Jasper handed me a ticket.

_December 15th 22:45_

Today, in a few hours. I grinned at the two of them, before sending a quick text off to Jake. I told him truthfully who I was with, and that 'he' wasn't there. I had a bag to pack, and a plane to catch.

***

Several hours later, I was being greeted by the Denali clan, currently being hugged by Carmen. I smiled at them, I quite liked them all, though Tanya and Irina seemed a little...forced.

We spent the night catching up, before the door opened, and I was greeted by a squeal, and a swamping hug from Esme. I said hi to them all, but didn't say anything to Rosealie, who still seemed to hate me. I felt slightly down-heartened by her actions, but I refused to let it spoil my reunion.

The night was good and happy for hours, and I ate a salad I had bought from the airport for dinner, not troubling the vampires with contrite human needs. Emmett was just as mad and childish as usual, and Carlisle was as calm and resourceful as I remembered him, particularly when playing chess against Emmett, landing him with an easy win.

It was well past two o'clock when I decided to turn in for the night, and Kate showed me to a plain but pretty guest room with a sofa, that I could use to sleep on. I thanked her, and bid my friends goodnight, realising how lucky I was, and how much I'd missed the Cullen's.

***

I must have fallen asleep, for I awoke to the sound of hissing and arguing outside. Surprisingly, they were talking at human level, rather than almost-silent vampire slur. I listened carefully, trying to get the gist of it, but they stopped suddenly, and Alice threw my door open.

I blinked against the sunlight as she drew the curtains, and heard someone swooshing down the stairs. I climbed out of bed slowly, still a klutz, and headed to the bathroom, before realising I had no idea where it was. I turned around to ask, but saw Alice had gone, so I trekked down the stairs to ask one of the Denali clan.

I tripped on the bottom step, obviously, and felt a hard, cold stone hand reach out and grab my arm, steadying me. I looked up to thank them, but I was tongue-tied. Never, had I ever imagined that 'he' would cross the threshold of the building I was in. But nevertheless, I was met by a black, angry pair of eyes. The face was beautiful, but contorted with rage, and the bronze hair was as untidy as ever.

"Edward," I whispered, my voice hoarse.

He turned away, letting go of my arm, and said nothing in reply. I wanted to reach out to him, to touch him, to make sure he was real. I knew, at that moment, that however much Edward had hurt me, I was still completely and utterly in love with him. But he was walking away from me, because he didn't love me, he left, and now I was back. I was a burden to him. The feeling of not being wanted had me gasping for air, and the familiar hole was punched back through my chest. I wrapped one arm around my torso, in an attempt to hold myself together, but I couldn't. I fell to the floor as my knees gave way, and every person in the room saw some of the pain I had felt when my love had been ripped from my life. I felt empty, empty and broken.

"Edward," I whispered again, reaching out a hand to him.

For a second, just a second, I genuinely thought that he wanted me. He turned around, pain apparent on his God-like face, but his eyes rested on my hand, my ring, and he smirked. Even smirking, my angel looked like a heaven-made sculpture. He laughed once, humourlessly, and nodded to my ring.

"You don't need me. You're engaged," he stated, and his velvet voice sent shivers down my spine, "Alice broke all the rules bringing you here, but you're not wanted, go, run back to Forks," he said, uncharacteristically cruel.

His voice caught at the end of his sentence, and he ran out of the door, slamming it, making the entire house shake. Growls erupted behind me. I was vaguely aware of people coming to my defence, I knew profanities were beng shouted at him, and intense discussions being held, but I payed little attention. I could feel the waves of pain washing over me, the hurt and new betrayal. He didn't want me. I was stuck with my lot, my bad lot.

I knew what I had to do, I couldn't stay here, but I couldn't go back and marry Jacob. I needed to go back to Forks. Every head turned to mine. Oh damn, I said that out loud.

Alice turned to me, and nodded, knowing what I was going to do. I knew it would hurt.

Both of us.

***

"Jake! Come walk with me," I called to him, as I climbed down from my truck.

He took my hand, nodding, and kissed my ring. Waves of pain washed through me as I realised who I wanted to be kissing my ring, and it wasn't Jacob. I clenched my jaw, and led him on, to the beach.

The waves crashed onto the sand, a storm was brewing. It was quite fitting, the rain pouring down, the waves crashing onto the beach, two lovers walking down it. About to break an engagement.

"Jake, I-" I began, but he cut me off.

"What's the matter Bells? Did they hurt you? You seem, like, well like when they left," he said cautiously, knowing that even after all this time, I hated talking about that part of my life.

"No Jake. But, well I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore," I said, my voice quivering as I waited for his reaction.

"Do what?" he asked, concern etched into his voice and every move.

I took a deep breath, tears blurring my vision. All Jacob ever did was try to help me, and now I was going to break his heart. But I couldn't do this, not with 'him' still here, alive. I bit my lip before opening my mouth to speak, my voice catching on every word, my chest heaving with emotion, my eyes full of tears as I looked him in the eye.

"This," I gestured between us, and understanding clouded his face, "I can't be with you Jake. I love you, but not like that. It's the most selfish thing I will ever do, but I hope we can still be friends," I said, a tear spilling over, "here," I finished, tears streaming down my face as I handed him the ring.

Jacob's face contorted with fury, he shook, but seemed able to control his anger, for once. He stared at me as he stopped shaking.

"What did they do to you? They've ruined your life. I can't just be friends with you Bella, not after all this. Goodbye," he said curtly.

I knew that was my cue to leave, but couldn't help the pain of his departure, despite this being what I wanted. Not to be engaged to Jacob Black. But now what? It seemed like a foolish thing to do, for 'he' didn't want me, and never would, he'd made that much clear to everyone. Jacob was right, 'he' had ruined my life, not the rest of them.

I knew what I still needed to do.

***

And it was so, standing on the top of the cliff where Sam Uley had found me years ago, that I pictured his smiling face, his velvet voice. My perfect day. The day in the meadow. I remembered kissing him the first time, and smiled. I let down every barrier I had put up over the last few years as I stood before the churning sea. I found his face, telling me he loved me, and felt obliged to say the words.

"Edward Cullen, I love you," I whispered, before taking a step forward and tumbling off the cliff, to my death, the only thing left for me.

(A/N I was so tempted to end it here, but I'm a happy ending girl, so read on!)

Pain coursed through my body as I hit the water. I could feel the bruising I was gaining as my body crashed against the water. I could hear the waves crashing onto the rocks, and I felt the current drag me to the rocks. I surfaced, unintentionally, and was smashed against the rocks. I felt the jagged edges tear the flesh and muscle in my left leg, and I saw the blood pooling in the water. The waves threw me against the rocks again, this time my back hitting them. I cried out in pain, getting a lung full of water, as the rocks ripped the muscles and tissue in my back and shoulders.

I began to feel dizzy, and I was aware of sinking slowly down. Before blackness engulfed me.

***

A small section in Edward's POV

As I ran, I cried tearless sobs. I couldn't bear hurting her like that again, and I knew my family hated me for hurting her again. But she was engaged, to Jacob Black, and I wasn't about to let my presence ruin her happy, human life. I was right to leave. She had got on with her life, eventually.

Alice was yelling at me in her head, telling me what an ass I was, and how much pain I was putting Bella through. I knew Alice loved Bella like a sister, and hurting Bella was hurting Alice. I stopped dead in her tracks as Alice went into vision mode. Bella was going to break her engagement.

I let out a roar. I was a monster. Just turning up at my own door had stopped my mate having her happily ever after. I deserved to die. I would have gone to the Volturi, but I had a family to think about, and I couldn't bear to put them through more, especially my adopted parents and sister. They were already putting aside too much for me.

***

I saw Alice's vision. She saw Bella drive to the cliff, saw her whispering to herself. Saw her remembering breaking the engagement, and saw her jump. I saw her jump. She was thrown repeatedly against the rocks, and finally drift down, unconscious, to her death. I dropped the deer I was hunting, and ran to the airport, wasting no time explaining to my family. I was unsurprised to read Alice's thoughts, and see that she was mirroring my own actions.

We met at the airport, running to Forks from there. I hated to admit that I didn't know the quickest way to the Reservation from where we were, so I led Alice to Bella's house, then ran to where Alice had seen her from there.

I arrived before Alice, I was the fastest, and panic rushed through me. We were too late. I saw Bella's truck on the cliff, and could smell the blood in the water. I gasped, pained, as I realised that Bella was dead. Because of me.

Why would she? What about my family, who she knew still loved her? What about Charlie and Renee? What about her friends? I didn't have a clue as to why she would want to kill herself, other than to get away from me. I sunk into the water as I put my head in my hands, before opening them, and watching her body sink to the floor.

I raced down to find her body. She had fallen. That would be the story. The town would gather at her funeral, all, except for us. She would lay in a coffin, her skin pale and white, her heart still, and un-beating.

As I reached her, I realised something. That something made my dead heart look up. If it were still beating, it would be racing.

I could hear a heartbeat.

I sped up, swimming down to catch her still-falling form. I wrapped an arm around her waist, and pulled her to the surface. I saw Alice just coming into view. Not in the sea though. Alice must have seen what happened, for she was by a yellow Porsche, almost certainly not payed for, towels and clothes in her arms.

As I handed Bella over, into Alice's competent arms, I examined her injuries. In all honesty, I was repulsed. She had ripped up the flesh and muscles in her left calf, her back and both shoulders. I helped Alice bundle her into the car, wrapped in towels, before she got in the drivers seat.

At least she was breathing, and her heart beating. She wasn't breathing when I pulled her out, but the movement we had submitted her to in the last minute had jerked her lungs back into life.

I knew that I didn't have the strength to leave Bella again, especially if she had turned suicidal. I didn't deserve her, and I doubted she wanted me, but I knew I was still hopelessly in love with this fragile human woman.

***

It was three days since I pulled Bella out of the water, and Carlisle had spent hours each day stitching her up, and giving her drugs to keep her alive. Because she hadn't woken up, she couldn't. It was killing all of us, and I had a feeling that Alice was deciding whether or not to change her. But every time I caught her thoughts straying down that path, I would voice, very angrily, why Bella was staying human.

We'd moved back to Forks, and actually, over the last eighteen hours, my own thoughts had been on the same path as Alice's. I'd even drawn up a mental pros and cons list:

Pro-I'd have her forever.  
Con-I didn't know if she wanted me.  
Pro-she would live eternally.  
Con-I didn't know if she wanted that.  
Pro-I wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing her.  
Con-I might have to go through the pain of rejection.  
Pro-my family want her forever.  
Con-she might not want them.  
Con-I would damn her to hell.

Although the cons outweighed the pros by far, I'd pretty much come to my decision. I needed to give her the chance, the chance at life, if that's what you'd call it. I loved her, and from Alice's thoughts, and Jacob's when we were on the Reservation, she'd been through one hell of a time when I left her, and when I was cruel to her the other day. Bella wasn't my girl anymore. She was twenty-one, and a woman. There would always be an enormous age gap between us, but that didn't matter, not that measly four years.

I headed to Carlisle's office, telling him that I'd made up my mind. He nodded, and watched me, expectantly.

"What?" I finally asked.

"Aren't you going to do it son?" he asked in reply.

I recoiled at the very notion, but Carlisle's face showed me that he was completely serious. Taking a deep breath, I nodded. I remembered what it had been like when I sucked the venom out of her, when James bit her. It seemed like an eternity ago, and now I was condemning her to the same fate I had fought so hard to avoid.

Seeing her lifeless form was enough to fasten my decision. I could feel the gazes of my family on my back as I neared her bed. I knelt down by her, and felt my long-dead heart ache for Bella Swan, so helpless, nearly dead, because of the cruel monster that I am, endangering her life, ever second I was with her.

"I'm sorry Bella. I love you," I whispered in her ear, before sinking my venom-coated teeth into her neck.

Her blood was even sweeter than I remembered, and as soon as I started, the frenzy that Carlisle had described to me started to wrack through my body. I closed my eyes and grasped her shoulder. My mind was telling me to stop, but the taste was delectable, and I couldn't stop. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder.

Carlisle.

Using every ounce of will-power I possessed, I pulled my teeth from her neck. I took several deep, shaky breaths, and rested my head on the edge of the mattress. Then the screaming started. It tugged at my heart to see her in so much pain, but at leas shed be ok in three days.

Those three days would be the longest of my life.

***

Returning to Bella's POV

The pain had been showering over my body for ages now, what felt like an eternity. I'd given up screaming, because it didn't help. And finally, the pain was starting to leave my body. I felt my heart splutter, and finally give in.

I forced my eyes open, and took in my surroundings. The second I opened my eyes, I knew what I had become. I was a vampire. I could see every dust mite, every speck in the carpet. And I recognised the room immediately. Edward's bedroom. We were back in Forks. My eyes rested on Edward. His eyes were black from thirst, and he watched me warily.

"Edward," I whispered.

My voice wasn't my own, it sounded like bells. Edward smiled at me, but his eyes were still careful as he replied.

"I'm right here Bella," he said, opening his arms.

As though I could resist that? The second he opened his arms, I stood up and flew into his hold. He staggered backwards slightly as I hit him, but wrapped his arms around me nevertheless. I breathed him in, committing him to my perfect memory. I knew he would be gone soon, back to whatever his distraction was. Back to whoever he'd found.

He seemed to sense my desecration, and unease, for he spoke, holding me back slightly, and looking down at me, exactly as I remembered from my human months with him.

"Bella. I'm sorry. I just want you to know that I don't have the strength to leave you again, not that I need to now. I should have asked you before I changed you, I know. It was so selfish," he said.

I stared at him. What?

"But you said you didn't want me. When you left me, you said I wasn't good for you!" I said, completely confused.

"That was a lie Bella. I had to lie. I was trying to give you a human life. Bella, I love you, leaving you was the hardest thing I've done in my entire existence," he said.

I stared at him again, tears swimming in my eyes. I wasn't mad when I had hallucinated, Edward loved me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him. Edward wrapped his arms around my waist tightly, and wove his lips with mine. The kiss sent shivers of pleasure down my spine, and he dipped me back over his arm, never breaking the connection our lips shared. I ran my tongue along his lip, and he opened up to me happily. Our tongues battled together in a passionated dance as Edward pulled me back up and kissed down my neck, finding my soft spot.

I moaned at the new feelings of pleasure Edward was sending through me, and nipped his earlobe, earning a satisfying groan from him. I licked, kissed, sucked and nipped my way down to his collar bone, and back up, finding his own soft spot. Edward pulled my head away from his neck by pulling my hair, and crashed his lips back to mine, picking up our intricate tongue dance where we left off. He lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, needing to be closer to him. He laid me back on the bed I had changed on, and we continued our kiss. But it changed, no longer passionate and desperate, but slow, and loving. Suddenly, Edward pulled back and pulled out a black box, he opened it, to reveal a beautiful ring.

"My mother's," he said quietly, looking at me carefully, knowing about Jacob.

If I was human, I would be blushing furiously, and my heart would be beating wildly.

"Marry me Isabella Swan," he whispered.

"Yes! Yes a hundred times over," I said, without hesitation.

He lifted me up, and placed the ring on my finger, before placing a gentle kiss on my lips while spinning me round.

"I love you Bella," he said, smiling his beautiful crooked smile.

"I love you Edward," I replied.

And with those words, that couldn't possibly show the love we felt for each other, we continued into our blissful piece of forever.


End file.
